I’m about to say something out loud that I’ve only ever shared with a therapist. It might sound harsh, but it’s the truth.
There’s always been this gravitational pull around me. When I speak, people listen. When I lead, people follow. When someone needs help, they know they can count on me. I’ve been called a caring, empathetic leader—someone who turns coworkers into friends by the end of our time together*.
That all sounds great, right? But here’s the catch: It’s a lie.
What do I mean?
My empathy is about 90% manufactured. I show it only when it helps me reach my goals. The moment you’re no longer useful in that pursuit, my empathy takes a nosedive.
Yeah, I know—it’s not the kind of thing you admit out loud. But it’s the truth.
And that’s what makes me the most likable unlikable person.
Don’t get me wrong, I can be all those things I just mentioned. I’m fun, friendly, engaging, inclusive—I can hold my own in pretty much any conversation, no matter what’s going on around me.
But I’m also pushy. And let’s be real, I can be a pretty big asshole when it comes to getting things done. If you’re in my way, feeding me bullshit, or just slowing down the mission, you’re going to find out real quick that I want you to shape up or ship out.
How I became this way? I’m not sure.
Does this way of life work for me? Yes, absolutely. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you it also It works for me, but it can also backfire.
Over time, I’ve just figured out when to push, when to pull, when to give, and when to give up.
And well, it works for me.
*This is probably an exaggeration. At least three people definitely don’t like me from our time working together. But hey, you can’t win ’em all, right?